Winter. Snow. Dark, -10 degree cold. And for me it`s very early morning. I have to go to make my lectures.
It`s one of the most unpleasant things from my childhood for today - to go anywhere in darkness and cold early morning.
Life
Everyone has own weak points and I am not an exception. It seems stupid but beeing a mathematician by my first education I feels myself not confident enough with numbers and sheets. Actually I hate it. It makes me crazy and now it is the one of things I have to do working with students. It`s hard to me to estimate their knowledge because I am sure the marks system becomes out of date, it made students nervous and demotivated to make new creative decisions… and so it is the uncorrect way to estimate modern people. Damning system! But it is still alive. Hopes it will die, it must kick off!!!
Ok, the weather is sucks next time, is`t still dark at 9:30 AM and became dark at 16:00. I don`t know how to survive that winter and the life seemes as endless Groundhog Day. Damn it! I changed the design of my bedroom and bed-clothes to emerald-green and sea-blue and feel a bit better… than a prisoner.
As I listen music and feel the colors then darkness steps back for a while. Thanks god something in my mind could feel colors and music better then real dark atmosphere. But the body prepared to dormancy. I am lazy to do my yoga several days… not good, but I can`t. May be it is something like protest from the life and weather nonsense, something inside belive if I scream and yell and found an enemy responsible for that situation and probably kill him something will change. I know, I feel another world just behind that cloudy sky…
Every cell of my body protest from that climate and situation. It is not hate but deep abruption. But I can`t change it. So I have to change myself, to use bright colors and relive the dark times, so I force myself to stand up and to act. May be to seek colors of light?
It is so easy to lose youself in the darkness, even if you know how to light.
O my god, this is the sun and blue sky! Thanks! I feel consciousness expansion, feel everything, feel myself alive. It`s +5 degrees here, in Moscow, who knows where is the winter but as it is sun it`s great! I am running for the walk
The weather is sucks; cold rain and low clouds and darkness. I`ve headache and do nothing in painting. Yesterday it was 2 pictures in Gohua style and the third I planed to finish today but sorry, some day later. Several big pictures need more time I can`t organize myself between working days so…
I`ve finished the new picture, Gohua style, represents mountings and waterfalls. It`s in natural style in colors and also with main strokes of calligraphy. I will publish it tomorrow… actually today! Later, later, because I want to sleeeeep!
Oh my god! It`s finished! I have a time for sleeping!!!
Hr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!...
Sitting at the computer and printing documents I asked myself: Did I have a shower today morning or not? I couldn`t remember. As I am still in pyjamas, the answer is “no”...
Sunday is over, it was so beautiful day! I started and have finished a new Gohua picture with several new technigues and instruments… it was the experiment! I`ll publish it later.
Today sunset was pleasant. Now I can see a full moon from my window, so round and in strange orange color. Pity it is not so on the pictures, may be it needs another settings of the camera, who knows.
.OK, I have to clean up my work place and to do my yoga. Good night!